


Monster Under The Bed

by josephina_x



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: (again), (the pairings are unimportant), (when is it not?), Darcy Lewis Wins At Life, Gen, This is not about the pairings, this is all Nicnac's fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-04
Updated: 2012-09-04
Packaged: 2017-11-13 14:06:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki hides. Thor finds him. Monsters ensue.</p><p>...The Avengers are not pleased with this development.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster Under The Bed

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so, I read [this HP fic by Nicnac](http://nicnac918.livejournal.com/44640.html) which has no freaking logic in it whatsoever (on purpose) (but it's better that way), and then I read another of her posts and [got into this comment thread with her](http://nicnac918.livejournal.com/44972.html?thread=39596#t39596), and then I had to write this. This is my life. (Still blaming this on on her, as usual, of course, because I wouldn't've thought it up, otherwise. So there! :-P )
> 
> ...Also, this has no real plot and **no** reedeeming value **whatsoever** _you have been warned_.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"No, Thor!"

"Brother, please!" Thor pleaded, on his hands and knees.

"What in the world?" said Jane, poking her head in the door.

"Thor, what are you doing?" Steve asked, following.

The two of them were greeted to a sight of Thor Odinson's behind wiggling in the air, while the rest of him was nearly flat-level with the floor next to his bed. He had a very pained look on his face.

"GO AWAY, THOR! NO MEANS NO!"

Jane jumped and nearly squeaked.

Steve's face went expressionless as he recognized the voice.

There was a slight thundering sound of many feet thumping across the floor as the rest of the Avengers in the tower heard the call and assembled.

In the doorway to Thor's bedroom.

"Brother, please?" Thor implored pathetically, making a sad puppy face at the underside of his bed.

"NO!" yelled--

"--Loki?" Stark said, startled. "What is Loki doing here?" he asked for all and sundry, his lack of brain-to-mouth filter also helpful at letting him express himself even in times of normal-person shock.

Well, relatively normal, anyway.

"Are you hiding under Thor's bed?" Natasha asked from the doorway, peering around Stark's shoulder with the slightest of smirks.

"No, I am not!" came the hotly-contesting reply. "I was asleep, before this great oaf awakened me with his thundering about!"

"Thunder god," Bruce muttered under his breath, which turned Tony's head and got him a flash of a grin.

"Uh, not to be a bad host, Thor, but I thought you said that when you'd be keeping an eye on Loki, you meant... uh... that you'd be telling me if he ended up here? In my tower? Like with some sort of advance notice?" Stark said. "That seems like a thing I should know? Who's living in my high-rise abode?"

"I am sorry, friend Stark," Thor said, straightening up for a moment and turning to face him. "But I had thought I had been clear. As part of the All-Father's judgment, Loki's sentence requires that he stay with me at all times."

"But we haven't seen him around," Steve pointed out.

"He hides," says Thor.

"I do not _hide_ ," Loki's voice hissed from under the bed. "I use my magics wisely, to cloak myself from your blasted loud and boorish self, so I do not have to suffer being prodded to come to your aid during your pointless and dull 'adventures', or be made an unwilling party to your poor and ill-conceived attempts at conversation, with all your new _friends_. I need not your so-called help, nor desire your sentiment-driven _attentions_ ," he sneered.

"Loki, I am sorry about the Warriors Three and Sif," Thor said consolingly, leaning back down again to address the underside of the mattress. "I did not realize before that their words and acts had hurt you so. --But these Midgardians are much different! They will not treat you badly!" Thor said, brightening.

"Speak for yourself," muttered Clint, fingering his bow.

Luckily, Thor didn't hear him, he just barreled on happily-oblivious. "And the Lady Natasha and the Lady Pepper have taught me much in their mighty Training of Sensitivity which all true warriors undergo, and I have taken their counsel to heart!" he proclaimed proudly with a happy grin, thumping a fist against his chest. "I shall no longer allow any being's rude remarks hurt your feelings!"

Tony turned a little red and glanced up at the ceiling. So did Steve, sideways at the wall. Bruce tilted his head and gave them both curious looks.

Clint gave Thor an odd look, then glanced over at Natasha.

Natasha just smirked.

A muted groan came from under the bed, followed by a slight sneeze.

"Hey, what's up, guys?" Darcy asked, bouncing up to the group. She usually joined them up in the common room for lunch -- part of her job as 'official lab monkey' was making sure Jane and Thor ate something other than Pop-Tarts all day.

"Loki's under Thor's bed and won't come out," Jane informed her, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, Thor's little brother is here? _Really?_ " Darcy said perkily. "I've always wanted to meet him!" She shouldered her way into the room. "Is he hot?" she asked no-one in particular as she bent down and lay flat on the floor so she could see for herself.

The Avengers glanced between one other and were reminded that _certain_ members of their current little close-knit group might have only started working in the tower recently, and may-or-may-not have read all the classified SHIELD versions of the reports on the New York Chitauri invasion yet.

Then again, it _was_ Darcy. It was hard to tell.

...unless she had her taser out.

(She didn't at the moment.)

"Uh, Darcy..." Jane started, moving forward with a hand out.

"No, friend-Darcy, my brother is quite cold," Thor informed her. "He is--"

"Aw, he's blue!" said Darcy in a cutesy tone as she peered under the bed.

"He's... sad?" Steve asked in a weird tone, as Clint and Natasha choked.

"With swirls!" Darcy ended. Then she blinked and her head popped back up. "Wait, what? _No_ , you silly soldier-boy," she said, sitting up and turning around to look up at the Captain with a 'geez, misunderstand much?' eyeroll. "I mean he's _actually--_ "

"He is?" Thor said, sounding worried, ducking his head under again. "Brother, are you feeling--"

"Foolish mortals!" Loki suddenly yelled, sounding as though he'd backed away even farther under the bed, and... was his tone now a little hysterical? "I am Loki Liesmith! Terror of the Chitauri! Son of Laufey, and King-killer!" He sounded even more hysterical as he went. "I am the monster that parents tell their children about at night!"

"Explains why he's under the bed," Tony said, and then got a stony look from Clint, who was still having nightmares about his time under brainwashing, and a horrible glare from Natasha, who'd been dealing with the fallout.

It probably wouldn't get much better anytime soon either, now that they knew Loki'd been hiding in the tower. Under people's beds.

"Loki, brother, you can sleep above, it is large enough for the both of us," Thor chided him. "I will not disturb your slumber. Come out."

"I might," Clint said darkly under his breath. He was already tallying what arrows he wanted to shoot in what places.

"No, Thor!" he yelled. "You do not command me!"

Thor's jaw set stubbornly then, and Steve winced, knowing what was coming.

"Thor--" he said warningly, as Jane tried to help Darcy to her feet, and Darcy just shooed her away as she tried to get a second look.

"I will not have you making yourself ill in this manner, brother," Thor thundered. "You _will_ come out, _now!_ " And with that, he shoved an arm under the bed, searching about.

"Hey, Thor, the room's like triple-carpeted, it's actually not that bad," Darcy said. "If he wants to--"

"I will not, Thor!"

"--sleep on the floor--" Darcy continued.

"You will, brother!"

"--then just let him--"

There was a yelp from under the bed and a scrabbling noise.

"--Thor?" Darcy frowned, shuffling around to his side of the bed.

Then there was a curse as Thor quickly drew his hand back as if burned and shook it. It _looked_ almost black for a moment.

"Uh--" Tony said, noticing this, and exchanging a quick glance with Bruce. Was Loki _supposed_ to be able to--?

"LOKI!" Thor roared. "No more tricks!!"

He grabbed the side of the bed with both hands and made as if to overturn it.

"Thor!" Jane yelled as Steve stepped forward.

" _ **Tricks?!?!**_ " they heard Loki shriek, as if it were the last straw.

Then everyone heard him shout something incomprehensible, and all hell broke loose.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"For the record, this is not my fault," said Tony as he held an icepack up to a scratch across his forehead and winced. "This is not my fault, I pay my housekeeping staff good money--"

Bruce sighed as he patched up the good Captain, who had garnered a fair number of scratches and bites himself, not having had his shield on him at the start.

"--and they're all getting fired--" Tony continued.

"Tony, your bots do the cleaning around the tower," Pepper reminded him.

"--and they're all still getting fired--" Tony continued.

"No, they're not Tony," Pepper admonished him with a smile as she had him lower the icepack for a moment so she could apply another butterfly bandage to his temple.

"--fine, well, I'll just reprogram them or something, then, but _somebody's_ getting fired, maybe that Odin guy, I want a refund, how did Loki get his magic back, anyway, aren't there supposed to be trials or something?" Tony said, staring over at Thor.

Thor looked back at him and gave him a slight frown. "Why would our father take Loki's magic away?"

Dead silence.

"...Because he's evil and uses it to try and enslave our planet?" Tony said.

" _My brother is not evil_!" Thor roared, standing and smashing a fist into the counter. He left a dent.

Tony looked across the table at him, dead in the eye, and didn't even blink at the display of temper.

Somehow, this helped to calm Thor down, as did Jane's gentle hand at his elbow. "He... he is... misguided," Thor said, sounding pained and unbearably tired.

"...Isn't he supposed to be going through some cosmic depowered mystic adventurous journey where he stops being a dick like you did in New Mexico?" Tony asked after awhile. He'd done his homework before the invasion, and he rarely forgot a subject.

"No!" Thor said, sounding shocked and appalled, sitting back down on his stool with a thump. "Loki's magic cannot be divided from him as my hammer was from me! It is a part of him, as vital as my own beating heart to me! Its removal would kill him!"

"This is a bad thing?" Clint muttered, and got a dark and very angry glare from Thor, who had heard him that time, and rose again, fists clenched, at the offense.

"Stop," Steve said, pushing away from Bruce and getting between the Asgardian prince and the archer, arms spread.

Thor took a few deep breaths and sat down again.

"So, just to be clear," Tony said, "your brother's supposed to be with you at all times?"

"Yes," said Thor.

"Like, in the close vicinity?" Tony asked.

"Yes," said Thor.

"And has been since you returned from Asgard?"

"Yes," said Thor.

"So we have been, and I guess are gonna _keep_ hosting you and your 'misguided' magic-using brother in my Tower while you're staying on Earth for the unforseeable future, and you're supposed to be keeping him in check... when he spends half his time hiding from you and you don't even know where he is?"

"...Yes," said Thor.

"Not really inspiring a lot of confidence here, big guy," Tony said, sounding almost apologetic as he reapplied the ice pack to his face.

"Tony," Steve said carefully. "Thor's been here three weeks. If Loki's been here that long, too, then I think it's probably safe to say that if he was going to do anything to us..." he trailed off and every earthling in the room exchanged uncomfortable glances between them.

"He _is_ my brother, and I _will_ help him to make amends and regain his honor, both here on Midgard, and in the realm of Jotunheim," Thor said quietly, with a scary-devoted intensity.

Jane patted his arm worriedly, and Darcy took that moment to blow back into the kitchen.

"--Wow, so that's magic, huh?" Darcy said, tossing another unopened box of band-aids onto the kitchen counter, then frowning as she opened cabinet after cabinet. "Is that normal? I mean, sure I could get behind lightning spells like Mew-Mew or magic missile blasts or mystic bolts or whatever, 'cause you Asgardian guys are all about the fighting," she chattered. "But dust-bunny spells? Really? Somebody with magic actually sat down one day and thought, 'hey, let's make a spell that brings cute dust bunnies to life'?" she grinned over her shoulder at Thor.

" _Killer_ rabid dust bunnies that try to eat your face," Tony muttered. "Evil, clingy, scratchy, huge--"

"They weren't _that_ big," Steve chided him.

"-- _gigantic..._ " Tony continued, eyeing the Captain. "--but geez, couldn't he have at least made them _real_ rabbits, or something?" the genius billionaire no-longer-playboy philanthropist complained. "With pointed teeth? That was just _embarrassing_." He made a face. "Even Doom has better standards than--"

"Rule 34, Tony," all Avengers present chimed in, and he shut up.

Rule 34: We Do Not Speak Of Doom, He Is Richards' Problem.

Nobody in SHIELD's employ wanted to mention that the _really_ embarrassing part was that they'd gotten their asses nearly handed to them by barely-sentient dirt.

"Darcy, what are you looking for?" Natasha asked as she leaned against the refridgerator, looking fresh out of the shower as if she hadn't even been in a fight with what had been a small platoon of none-too-cohesive clouds of dust.

"Pop-Tarts," Darcy said. "They're like, Asgardian catnip or something. He probably needs a pick-me-up after having to sleep in all that dust, and Thor waking him up all rudely stomping around and yelling like that--"

Thor pouted at this pronouncement.

"--Aha!" Darcy proclaimed triumphantly, pulling out a box. "Think he'll like the blueberry?" she asked the room in general.

And then she was out the door and down the hallway.

"Darcy!" Jane called, sounding concerned, and she trotted after her.

Bruce sighed and gave his amused smile.

Clint stared after the two of them in shock and started to rise before Natasha, with a firm hand on his shoulder, shoved him back down.

"They'll be all right," the Black Widow said.

"How do you figure?" Steve asked.

"Well, none of the bunny-monsters went after either of _them_..." Bruce pointed out, taking off his glasses and wiping the lenses with a slight quirk of a smile.

Nobody commented on how none of the Magic Dust Bunnies Of Doom (not Doctor) had gone after the Hulk's alter ego, either.

"...Blue food?" they heard softly drift from the bedroom behind them.

~*~*~*~*~*~


End file.
